![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
donnalotusIntensive teaching session with M last night. We discussed many things, but the biggest thing that I needed to process was yet another break-down from Michael's mother. This time she was refusing to sign papers to do with the mortgage application (these were only authorisation to credit check) and basically accusing him of trying to pull the wool over her eyes and screw her six ways from Sunday - not verbatim, but that was pretty much the energy behind it. This happened Wednesday night, I had to take yesterday off work in order to go to the bank with Michael and find out whether we can have her on the title without making her responsible for the debt/mortgage we are borrowing (no, we can't) and in the end, Michael wrote back and basically gave her these options (we put it much nicer, but I'm not wanting to go word for word right now):
1. If you want to be on the title, sign the fricking papers and stop being a pain in the ass - we will draw up a contract stating we are solely responsible for the loan, blah blah blah
2. If you don't want to be on the mortgage, agree not to be on the title and we will write up a contract re: money she is contributing as asset
3. Buy a house by yourself and we will simply rent, but figure it out where you want to go because we'll probably move to Lakes in 3-5 yrs regardless
4. Cancel the sale on her house, pay the compensation, and have everything go back to exactly how it is now
I have been so focused on her and the purchase of this house, that I've been holding on so tightly I can hardly breathe. That's just not a good manifesting place. There's a lot of reasons behind that including poverty mentality, past life destitution with a child to raise coming up, fear, doubt, FEAR...... but when I called M and talked to her about it, we basically nutted it out to "Well, if she backs out what is the plan?"
The plan if she backs out is that we just find a place to rent, Michael stays working where he is, I stay where I am until the baby is born, get Paid Parental Leave plus work's maternity leave and guarantee of a job to come back to, and when that is up I go back to work part-time as well. We will need to take it easy and save, with the plan being to eventually go to Lakes anyway, but it's just not going to happen overnight.
Once we both saw it that way it just lifted and we were like "Hmmmm, well she can do whatever she wants, ball is in her court. But it's not going to affect us either way, we're going to be just fine."
I spent most of the afternoon and pretty much all night at M's on the Medicine Wheel. I spent a while on the Women's Wheel connecting with the baby, and had a really strong reminder of a dream I had when I was in America of a child soul that had been around me then. The child really came through strongly as male yesterday. I was shown to focus my energy only into being happy, creating from that place of joy, and putting my energy into good things, like having a baby. Anything else can just be handed over to Great Spirit and left to sort itself out.
We spent hours on the Medicine Wheel discussing awareness, and the Sunrise Ceremony, how to pray from a non-selfish place for our people. Ho'opono Pono Ke Ala was discussed as it's been coming up for me a lot lately. There are many teachings in many cultures about how if we are in our place of power, our "garden", (Pono as the Hawaiians call it), then nothing is able to affect us in a negative manner because we are in rightness with the world. That is a very basic way of describing it, but it's very powerful too. D quoted to me a powerful one-line comment she had heard recently also that made me just stop, and think about what I've been projecting lately, especially to Michael's Mum.......
"Every thought is a prayer."
It has all been a timely reminder to read through my journal from Hawaii again and reconnect to the teachings from Aunty and Lawrence. But the time I left I felt at peace and much more settled. This morning Michael said his mother has been sending all these emails as if she didn't just accuse him of being the scum of the earth. I just love how she can switch from being the evil mother to loving mother in the space of like, half a day. I truly do believe she is starting to lose her mind. I think the child's soul might have had a bit of an influence on things as well, because I basically said "If Lakes is where you want the family to be, as you seem to be gathering us all there, then you see more clearly than us right now, so please help ease things along."
I also think that his mum was expecting him to read her emails yesterday and freak out, call her and pretty much beg her not to pull out of the deal. She thinks we need this, what she's failed to see is that we really don't, and we'd actually be better off without her to be perfectly honest. I said to Mardi, time is pretty much on my side. If I didn't want to do the right thing by her, I wouldn't be agreeing to having her anywhere near us, and I'd just bide my time and wait for her to die because Michael is the sole beneficiary of her will anyway. So yeah, I really don't need any of this stress, because I just have to bide my time and we get the money for a house anyway... but we're trying to do the right thing by her as family and ensure she has all the help she can get, she just doesn't want to see that.
Michael and I both in our own ways yesterday hit that point of "do whatever the fuck you want, just let us know soon" and we let it go. We weren't trying to hold on to something, in fact, I think part of each of us was kind of hoping she'd just pull out so we can wash our hands of her. Energetically she has clearly felt that shift, and the fact that she can't play us anymore, and that simply put, she either comes to the party or ends up miserable and alone.
M also said to me yesterday that the Grandmothers said to me, basically, "You've already made the choice. Now you just have to understand why you made it." I think that was on The Matrix <3 It's just a fantastic message to ponder. Because yes, I think I made this choice to take a very hard path a long time ago, and I know I don't really fully understand or see why I've done that yet when it would be so much easier to walk away. It will be interesting to see what unfolds from here.
1. If you want to be on the title, sign the fricking papers and stop being a pain in the ass - we will draw up a contract stating we are solely responsible for the loan, blah blah blah
2. If you don't want to be on the mortgage, agree not to be on the title and we will write up a contract re: money she is contributing as asset
3. Buy a house by yourself and we will simply rent, but figure it out where you want to go because we'll probably move to Lakes in 3-5 yrs regardless
4. Cancel the sale on her house, pay the compensation, and have everything go back to exactly how it is now
I have been so focused on her and the purchase of this house, that I've been holding on so tightly I can hardly breathe. That's just not a good manifesting place. There's a lot of reasons behind that including poverty mentality, past life destitution with a child to raise coming up, fear, doubt, FEAR...... but when I called M and talked to her about it, we basically nutted it out to "Well, if she backs out what is the plan?"
The plan if she backs out is that we just find a place to rent, Michael stays working where he is, I stay where I am until the baby is born, get Paid Parental Leave plus work's maternity leave and guarantee of a job to come back to, and when that is up I go back to work part-time as well. We will need to take it easy and save, with the plan being to eventually go to Lakes anyway, but it's just not going to happen overnight.
Once we both saw it that way it just lifted and we were like "Hmmmm, well she can do whatever she wants, ball is in her court. But it's not going to affect us either way, we're going to be just fine."
I spent most of the afternoon and pretty much all night at M's on the Medicine Wheel. I spent a while on the Women's Wheel connecting with the baby, and had a really strong reminder of a dream I had when I was in America of a child soul that had been around me then. The child really came through strongly as male yesterday. I was shown to focus my energy only into being happy, creating from that place of joy, and putting my energy into good things, like having a baby. Anything else can just be handed over to Great Spirit and left to sort itself out.
We spent hours on the Medicine Wheel discussing awareness, and the Sunrise Ceremony, how to pray from a non-selfish place for our people. Ho'opono Pono Ke Ala was discussed as it's been coming up for me a lot lately. There are many teachings in many cultures about how if we are in our place of power, our "garden", (Pono as the Hawaiians call it), then nothing is able to affect us in a negative manner because we are in rightness with the world. That is a very basic way of describing it, but it's very powerful too. D quoted to me a powerful one-line comment she had heard recently also that made me just stop, and think about what I've been projecting lately, especially to Michael's Mum.......
"Every thought is a prayer."
It has all been a timely reminder to read through my journal from Hawaii again and reconnect to the teachings from Aunty and Lawrence. But the time I left I felt at peace and much more settled. This morning Michael said his mother has been sending all these emails as if she didn't just accuse him of being the scum of the earth. I just love how she can switch from being the evil mother to loving mother in the space of like, half a day. I truly do believe she is starting to lose her mind. I think the child's soul might have had a bit of an influence on things as well, because I basically said "If Lakes is where you want the family to be, as you seem to be gathering us all there, then you see more clearly than us right now, so please help ease things along."
I also think that his mum was expecting him to read her emails yesterday and freak out, call her and pretty much beg her not to pull out of the deal. She thinks we need this, what she's failed to see is that we really don't, and we'd actually be better off without her to be perfectly honest. I said to Mardi, time is pretty much on my side. If I didn't want to do the right thing by her, I wouldn't be agreeing to having her anywhere near us, and I'd just bide my time and wait for her to die because Michael is the sole beneficiary of her will anyway. So yeah, I really don't need any of this stress, because I just have to bide my time and we get the money for a house anyway... but we're trying to do the right thing by her as family and ensure she has all the help she can get, she just doesn't want to see that.
Michael and I both in our own ways yesterday hit that point of "do whatever the fuck you want, just let us know soon" and we let it go. We weren't trying to hold on to something, in fact, I think part of each of us was kind of hoping she'd just pull out so we can wash our hands of her. Energetically she has clearly felt that shift, and the fact that she can't play us anymore, and that simply put, she either comes to the party or ends up miserable and alone.
M also said to me yesterday that the Grandmothers said to me, basically, "You've already made the choice. Now you just have to understand why you made it." I think that was on The Matrix <3 It's just a fantastic message to ponder. Because yes, I think I made this choice to take a very hard path a long time ago, and I know I don't really fully understand or see why I've done that yet when it would be so much easier to walk away. It will be interesting to see what unfolds from here.
no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 11:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-20 09:49 pm (UTC)