Pulling myself together
Feb. 10th, 2011 08:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
donnalotusI've been in a really dark kind of place this week, which is ironic given that Michael's mother seems to have all but gotten over her hissy fits. Instead I've been stupid enough to dwell on it and take it on board. Last night and this morning I've been really teary-eyed wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Whether this is all worth the heartache that I'm putting myself through. I've hit a point where I just don't want to cope with the MIL and everything she brings to the table. It seems unfair that I have to share my partner in this way, to the point that I'm actually the one at a disadvantage once she moves over here because I will have to stay down here and continue working until the end of June while she gets him up in Lakes looking after her. I'm going to be 6-8 months pregnant over this period and damn it, I think he should be here helping to look after me.
But, it's not going to happen, so I need to just deal with it. I have a couple of options really.
1. I could just finish up work at the end of March as that's when my contract finishes (even though it's likely to be renewed at this point). But that puts me at a disadvantage because I won't have my credit cards completely paid off by then, and I won't have any savings to live off until I get the Paid Parental Leave (which I can't get until the baby is born). I likely can't go on unemployment because I'm voluntarily leaving work, and besides, I'll be like 6 months pregnant, that'll go over well in job searching.
I could go on the carer's payment as a joint carer for the MIL but I don't want to give her any say over how I live my life. We could pay off the credit cards remaining with some of the money left over from the mortgage, and just survive on what Michael is making (won't be easy). But if I leave work before June I won't be eligible for the Paid Parental Leave, which means we then would have to apply for the Baby Bonus instead, which we would still be eligible for, but it's considerably less than the PPL, as in PPL is $570/week for 14 weeks for a total of $7980, and Baby Bonus is $203/week for 26weeks for a total of about $5300. So as you can see... PPL is a much better option.
I am giving some thoughts to the whole PPL and having to work, that doesn't mean it has to be full time, so I could technically leave, put my name on the list at work for casual reception filling, and just drive up once a fortnight to fill in for people. So long as I get a day at least once every 10 days until at least the end of May I'd still be eligible for the PPL.
I told The Boss about the pregnancy today - he's all excited. He met with the CEO yesterday in secret and they're basically offering him a very generous redundancy package which he's going to take, and he could be gone as soon as next week.......... which means now is the time I start negotiating with The Big Boss for a permanent contract. I'm so not going to do a coordinator role (essentially taking over from The Boss) unless I'm damn well getting paid for it and on a permanent basis. The Boss says I should push for the permanent contract and then get the organisation's paid maternity leave on top of the government initiative. That is my "the best ever" outcome, fingers crossed that it eventuates, I've certainly put in enough time and effort that I deserve it. If I get that, then I can probably just take maternity leave at the end of May and move down to Lakes at that point.
After talking to The Boss I actually started to feel that excitement coming back in, like everything is flowing as it should be, and I need to had my trust and surrender over to Great Spirit. I haven't been doing this at all and that has been my downfall, the more I try to control everything the more it starts to feel as if I am just losing all sanity and want to crawl into a ball and hide.
All in all, feeling a little more positive today. Hope that I can keep it up. Taking the day off tomorrow to run errands, take the rat to the Vet, visit the Doctor, and visit with M & D for a healing session.
But, it's not going to happen, so I need to just deal with it. I have a couple of options really.
1. I could just finish up work at the end of March as that's when my contract finishes (even though it's likely to be renewed at this point). But that puts me at a disadvantage because I won't have my credit cards completely paid off by then, and I won't have any savings to live off until I get the Paid Parental Leave (which I can't get until the baby is born). I likely can't go on unemployment because I'm voluntarily leaving work, and besides, I'll be like 6 months pregnant, that'll go over well in job searching.
I could go on the carer's payment as a joint carer for the MIL but I don't want to give her any say over how I live my life. We could pay off the credit cards remaining with some of the money left over from the mortgage, and just survive on what Michael is making (won't be easy). But if I leave work before June I won't be eligible for the Paid Parental Leave, which means we then would have to apply for the Baby Bonus instead, which we would still be eligible for, but it's considerably less than the PPL, as in PPL is $570/week for 14 weeks for a total of $7980, and Baby Bonus is $203/week for 26weeks for a total of about $5300. So as you can see... PPL is a much better option.
I am giving some thoughts to the whole PPL and having to work, that doesn't mean it has to be full time, so I could technically leave, put my name on the list at work for casual reception filling, and just drive up once a fortnight to fill in for people. So long as I get a day at least once every 10 days until at least the end of May I'd still be eligible for the PPL.
I told The Boss about the pregnancy today - he's all excited. He met with the CEO yesterday in secret and they're basically offering him a very generous redundancy package which he's going to take, and he could be gone as soon as next week.......... which means now is the time I start negotiating with The Big Boss for a permanent contract. I'm so not going to do a coordinator role (essentially taking over from The Boss) unless I'm damn well getting paid for it and on a permanent basis. The Boss says I should push for the permanent contract and then get the organisation's paid maternity leave on top of the government initiative. That is my "the best ever" outcome, fingers crossed that it eventuates, I've certainly put in enough time and effort that I deserve it. If I get that, then I can probably just take maternity leave at the end of May and move down to Lakes at that point.
After talking to The Boss I actually started to feel that excitement coming back in, like everything is flowing as it should be, and I need to had my trust and surrender over to Great Spirit. I haven't been doing this at all and that has been my downfall, the more I try to control everything the more it starts to feel as if I am just losing all sanity and want to crawl into a ball and hide.
All in all, feeling a little more positive today. Hope that I can keep it up. Taking the day off tomorrow to run errands, take the rat to the Vet, visit the Doctor, and visit with M & D for a healing session.
