Better things to think about
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
donnalotusWhile last night obviously didn't go so well, the afternoon actually was very nice :)
We had our first ultrasound (13 weeks) yesterday. We got to see that tiny little life growing inside of me, and it was gorgeous. You didn't see a lot, how other people's photos are clear and obvious are beyond me, all I saw was a lot of light and shadow, the occasional hand wave at us. If the radiographer hadn't been explaining what I was seeing, I wouldn't have recognised much at all. The "head" looks terrifying, with big black eye sockets - I was like "omg... THAT's the face?" It was a bit freaky. The baby was being uncooperative and hard to get it on it's back to get a look at the nuchal fold at the back of the neck, but it did roll over (after a lot of prodding and pushing on the uterus) eventually and I got the traditional view of the head and body curling out like a prawn. The most incredible part was hearing the heartbeat, it was soooooo beautiful, and pumping away at 136 beats per minute. The baby is all normal, two arms, two legs, etc. etc. I have a couple of printed out scans, but they're not very clear and you can't see the baby so well. I can't wait for another 8 weeks when we get to see it again AND find out the sex!
I also had to take Rom to the Vet for a check-up. He's doing really well, the Vet is very happy with his progress and he seems to be recovering from his infection without too much worry. He HATES his medicine, I thought it was the yellow medicine I was having to give him, which he no longer has to be on, but the other one tastes just as nasty, and he's going to be on that for another couple of weeks. He just hates it, and after taking it he doesn't even want a yoghurt drop, he just rolls around on his blankie, rubbing his mouth against it, trying to get the taste of the medicine off his lips or something. Poor baby. But, without it he'd be a lot worse off, maybe even dead, so I console myself with that whenever I have to force it down his throat.
He's in for another visit to the Vet on Friday and a refill of the medication, I'll be taking Raf with us as well. Yesterday I just took Rom, because there's nothing wrong with Raf, and apparently they both freaked out. I was with Rom who was storming around the little transport cage, throwing his little hay bale hidey-hole around, and climbing the bars, trying to escape. Michael said Raf at home went into a big depression and hid in one of the igloos refusing to come out, he was super emo. It's really funny how inseparable these two have become since Spooks passed away, they are so anxious when separated, so going to have to avoid doing that to them. In all likelihood they're thinking that every time they get separated one is going to die since that's what happened to Spooks when I took him on his own to the Vet, and then when I took Raf on his own he was pretty sick too. Silly little boys.
We're calling a solicitor today to discuss how to proceed with Michael's mother, who I'm now calling Jekyll & Hyde. She sent two emails over night, one where she was Dr Jekyll, trying to be diplomatic and denying that she ever said or did anything to upset me, and suddenly she's all congenial about my beliefs and what I do and saying she doesn't care what I believe. She's blaming Michael and trying to say that it's his fault now that she and I aren't talking and that I want nothing to do with her. It's so lame. In the second email she's back to Mr. Hyde with an hysterical email about how she's having a breakdown, accusing him of doing it deliberately so that she'll end up in hospital, and doing it all just to ruin her life, and how she now has nothing left.
I have been doing my hardest to see the underlying energy behind it all, because I'm so exhausted reacting on a human level to this. It's time I step back and deal with it on another level. The energy is clearly fear for her. Last night's session all began because last night we were saying we need a copy of her contract of sale to give to the mortgage company to show that we have the rest of the money to make the purchase for the house. We want to borrow an additional 50,000 for other expenses - car, moving costs, closing costs, and furniture - but they don't give you that kind of money for that, it has to be on the house. So the idea explained to her was we would put in the full amount we are borrowing $110,000 and she make up the difference, which would be like, $240,000 or whatever. She had promised us $290,000 from her house, so we were asking that she just transfer the remaining amount to our account for expenses. She freaked out over this, saying we're trying to rip her off, blah blah blah.
So clearly she is only worried about herself, and doesn't trust the only person there is left on this planet who will put up with her. So we're talking to a lawyer, with the intention to get a contract drawn up that covers what will happen in the following eventualities:
1. Michael and I split up (we guarantee that she gets $290,000 from the sale of the house, plus 1/3 of any profit, and therefore ensure she can get a small place on her own)\
2. Michael dies before she does (I will not be caring for her, while I might have been open to this a week ago, I am certainly NOT going to be taking her on from this point on. If anything happens to Michael, she gets the same above deal and will have to get an external carer for her or go into a home).
3. In the event that she dies we want a guarantee of $110,000 from the sale of the house to cover our mortgage, the rest of the money to be paid into the estate up to the amount of $290,000, any other profit to be split with 1/3 being paid into the estate. While she has said that she is leaving everything to Michael, this gives her a certain amount of control over our lives which is becoming increasingly alarming. I don't think she's even considered that we stand to lose a lot in this venture as well if she, on a whim, decides to cut him out of the will; suddenly we have only a small claim to the house, and whoever is in the will gets the rest, and we have to live with their decision on what to do. I'm not doing that. I want a guarantee that the house is to be sold (or we given the option to buy it out) if she leaves her share of the house to someone else.
While it's a freaking shame that it's come to this, it's also the ONLY option we can see to take at this time in order to get her to settle down. If this doesn't work, then I don't know what we're going to do, because we can't continue with this Jekyll & Hyde behaviour every day. It's like every three days she has a hysterical fit, spends the next two days trying to convince us that she isn't crazy and didn't have hysterics, and then it just starts all over again. This is my favourite quote from her email this morning:
"Doctor Koh has told me to also avoid stress as it triggers cancer, big in our family as you know. "
Well that's just great! I've been saying for the last few weeks that she's going to give MICHAEL cancer with all this added stress and carry-on. But she doesn't seem to worry about that, after all, he's not important so long as he's doing what she wants.
We had our first ultrasound (13 weeks) yesterday. We got to see that tiny little life growing inside of me, and it was gorgeous. You didn't see a lot, how other people's photos are clear and obvious are beyond me, all I saw was a lot of light and shadow, the occasional hand wave at us. If the radiographer hadn't been explaining what I was seeing, I wouldn't have recognised much at all. The "head" looks terrifying, with big black eye sockets - I was like "omg... THAT's the face?" It was a bit freaky. The baby was being uncooperative and hard to get it on it's back to get a look at the nuchal fold at the back of the neck, but it did roll over (after a lot of prodding and pushing on the uterus) eventually and I got the traditional view of the head and body curling out like a prawn. The most incredible part was hearing the heartbeat, it was soooooo beautiful, and pumping away at 136 beats per minute. The baby is all normal, two arms, two legs, etc. etc. I have a couple of printed out scans, but they're not very clear and you can't see the baby so well. I can't wait for another 8 weeks when we get to see it again AND find out the sex!
I also had to take Rom to the Vet for a check-up. He's doing really well, the Vet is very happy with his progress and he seems to be recovering from his infection without too much worry. He HATES his medicine, I thought it was the yellow medicine I was having to give him, which he no longer has to be on, but the other one tastes just as nasty, and he's going to be on that for another couple of weeks. He just hates it, and after taking it he doesn't even want a yoghurt drop, he just rolls around on his blankie, rubbing his mouth against it, trying to get the taste of the medicine off his lips or something. Poor baby. But, without it he'd be a lot worse off, maybe even dead, so I console myself with that whenever I have to force it down his throat.
He's in for another visit to the Vet on Friday and a refill of the medication, I'll be taking Raf with us as well. Yesterday I just took Rom, because there's nothing wrong with Raf, and apparently they both freaked out. I was with Rom who was storming around the little transport cage, throwing his little hay bale hidey-hole around, and climbing the bars, trying to escape. Michael said Raf at home went into a big depression and hid in one of the igloos refusing to come out, he was super emo. It's really funny how inseparable these two have become since Spooks passed away, they are so anxious when separated, so going to have to avoid doing that to them. In all likelihood they're thinking that every time they get separated one is going to die since that's what happened to Spooks when I took him on his own to the Vet, and then when I took Raf on his own he was pretty sick too. Silly little boys.
We're calling a solicitor today to discuss how to proceed with Michael's mother, who I'm now calling Jekyll & Hyde. She sent two emails over night, one where she was Dr Jekyll, trying to be diplomatic and denying that she ever said or did anything to upset me, and suddenly she's all congenial about my beliefs and what I do and saying she doesn't care what I believe. She's blaming Michael and trying to say that it's his fault now that she and I aren't talking and that I want nothing to do with her. It's so lame. In the second email she's back to Mr. Hyde with an hysterical email about how she's having a breakdown, accusing him of doing it deliberately so that she'll end up in hospital, and doing it all just to ruin her life, and how she now has nothing left.
I have been doing my hardest to see the underlying energy behind it all, because I'm so exhausted reacting on a human level to this. It's time I step back and deal with it on another level. The energy is clearly fear for her. Last night's session all began because last night we were saying we need a copy of her contract of sale to give to the mortgage company to show that we have the rest of the money to make the purchase for the house. We want to borrow an additional 50,000 for other expenses - car, moving costs, closing costs, and furniture - but they don't give you that kind of money for that, it has to be on the house. So the idea explained to her was we would put in the full amount we are borrowing $110,000 and she make up the difference, which would be like, $240,000 or whatever. She had promised us $290,000 from her house, so we were asking that she just transfer the remaining amount to our account for expenses. She freaked out over this, saying we're trying to rip her off, blah blah blah.
So clearly she is only worried about herself, and doesn't trust the only person there is left on this planet who will put up with her. So we're talking to a lawyer, with the intention to get a contract drawn up that covers what will happen in the following eventualities:
1. Michael and I split up (we guarantee that she gets $290,000 from the sale of the house, plus 1/3 of any profit, and therefore ensure she can get a small place on her own)\
2. Michael dies before she does (I will not be caring for her, while I might have been open to this a week ago, I am certainly NOT going to be taking her on from this point on. If anything happens to Michael, she gets the same above deal and will have to get an external carer for her or go into a home).
3. In the event that she dies we want a guarantee of $110,000 from the sale of the house to cover our mortgage, the rest of the money to be paid into the estate up to the amount of $290,000, any other profit to be split with 1/3 being paid into the estate. While she has said that she is leaving everything to Michael, this gives her a certain amount of control over our lives which is becoming increasingly alarming. I don't think she's even considered that we stand to lose a lot in this venture as well if she, on a whim, decides to cut him out of the will; suddenly we have only a small claim to the house, and whoever is in the will gets the rest, and we have to live with their decision on what to do. I'm not doing that. I want a guarantee that the house is to be sold (or we given the option to buy it out) if she leaves her share of the house to someone else.
While it's a freaking shame that it's come to this, it's also the ONLY option we can see to take at this time in order to get her to settle down. If this doesn't work, then I don't know what we're going to do, because we can't continue with this Jekyll & Hyde behaviour every day. It's like every three days she has a hysterical fit, spends the next two days trying to convince us that she isn't crazy and didn't have hysterics, and then it just starts all over again. This is my favourite quote from her email this morning:
"Doctor Koh has told me to also avoid stress as it triggers cancer, big in our family as you know. "
Well that's just great! I've been saying for the last few weeks that she's going to give MICHAEL cancer with all this added stress and carry-on. But she doesn't seem to worry about that, after all, he's not important so long as he's doing what she wants.
