(no subject)

[donnalotus]

"I've lost my feeling of aloha," I stated to Michael this morning. "I need to go back to Hawaii." And that is where things are at.

My mind drifts to K and his life, how when he became a haumana he just moved into the valley and has been there ever since, living the life and learning. I'm not saying it's easy for him, because I'm positive it's not, but there isn't so much the concern with regular "normal" life. I consider the lifestyle that most of us "white people" have chosen, and how disconnected from the land and everything else we are. We are so separate now that we "work" just to pay the bills, and then try to find time to squeeze into our free time the things we enjoy. Rather than enjoy everything we do, from day to day.

I struggle with this because there's a part of me that just wants to give it all up and disappear into the bush, live off the land, and just be "feral". The downside being that I like my creature comforts, my internet, my hot water, my refridgerated food...... and how do you pay for all of that when you're not actually earning any money? There needs to be a balance, which is what I'm working toward, because I do enjoy my job - it's just that I have hit the proverbial brick wall yesterday.

Yesterday started out really fabulous, high energy, feeling positive about the future of the training unit, lots of great plans to really bring things into a good place. By the afternoon we had the life sucked out of us by the Business Manager (a man who seems to do nothing, ever, and who is solely responsible for some of our income being delayed because he couldn't have been bothered reading a contract with our partner training organisation so we could, oh I don't know, actually get the training out there before the end of the year!). Now he's decided that he's not going to recommend to the Board for things to continue as they are, which in short means, no more financial support.

The Boss and I are in the process of looking at other jobs right now. Combine that with the news from our previous Training Coordinator, (another individual mostly responsible for us being in the financial situation we're in because she pretty much did nothing the entire 18 months she was employed with us), and finding out she's doing really fucking fantastic right now, she's managed to talk her way into a job at [major TAFE institution] running the new training qualification with them.

Deep down I know I should be happy for her. This is what I prayed for when the change was happening, because I really don't want to see people down and out. I guess I just wish sometimes that I could catch the same breaks that everyone else seems to. I'm so not in the Vortex at the moment, I've hit down and out and feeling very disenchanted with everything. I sat with the grandmothers last night and prayed for an hour on this, because I really need to transform it before it swallows me whole. But it's not coming easy.
 

"Isn't it your triumphs over adversity, surprise rebounds, and stellar comebacks that you look back on with the most fondness, Donna? Far more than the easy, cake for breakfast and pajamas in the afternoon, kind of times? Fondly, The Universe"

Personally, I quite like the cake for breakfast approach, dammit! But yes, more than anything I know we will look back on this and see it as a major turning point in life.

Neale Donald Walsch's update is a timely reminder:

On this day of your life, Donna, I believe God wants you to know...

...that fear in the face of the fearsome is what makes the fearsome fearsome.

 Yet faith in the face of the fearsome removes the fear, and turns the fearsome handsome. I mean, that which is fearsome can actually be good looking, if we are good at looking at it in a new way.

 This takes a change of mind. It takes a new perspective. It takes a sense of wonder in life and an awareness that life itself is working with us, not against us at any level. Or to put it in somewhat more spiritual terms, God is always on our side.

 The process of Mastery, then, is one of acceptance. It is a quiet embracing of what is. It is a non-resistence. It is a gentle walking into the moment, knowing that it holds for us, always, what is best for us all ways. Do you believe this? Then it is true.

Love, Your Friend....
Neale
 

Time to go back to basics, I think I need to read Abraham again this weekend and get myself back in the Vortex, back in my place of Aloha. It'll be ok, but I'm going to have to really work at it. Blah.