donnalotus | Coping I am not (Reply)

I’ve had a pretty good pregnancy so far, but I’m feeling very whiney over the last week or so. I’m finding acute pain is not the same as ongoing semi-painful yet chronic pain. In short, my tummy HURTS! In the last week in particular I’ve felt the stretch as under-stomach muscles are being stretched out to make room for an expanding uterus. It’s a dull ache that doesn’t really go away at the moment, which I’m grateful isn’t anything worse, or sharp stabbing pains periodically (which would seem to me to be much worse) but my threshold for this aching is pretty low right now.

On the plus side:

· Ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby is booked in for next Tuesday!

· Michael got a hold of his mother’s settlement agency and they are depositing the cheque directly for us so that our closing can go ahead on time.

· The closing is going ahead for next Tuesday!

The light above my desk just started to flicker and it’s like I have a strobe / disco happening all around me. Plus side is I’m about to go and argue a headache from the light because I really just want to go home!

I’ve had a serious issue of underlying rage / frustration in general with things. I think this is a bit of overwhelm because everything is coming to a head at the same time. I’m stressed because Michael is being a bit difficult. He’s home now, not working because he’s about to go on the carer’s pension again when his mother arrives on Tuesday – so I’ve designated him the official phone-call and chasing-up-lose-ends person and he’s procrastinating in doing some of this stuff!!!

Some of the excuses I’ve heard from him lately have been “I didn’t want to bother them again.” I’m like *exasperation* “Well WTF are we paying them for? BOTHER them already! That’s their damn job!”

It’s gotten to the point where I’m dreaming that I’m awake and either at work, or in some weird semi-house settled state. Last night I dreamt that I’d sent out a really inappropriate gossipy email about a previous co-worker to a select few people, and they in turn forwarded it on to others and it eventually got to a General Manager who emailed me back saying “Put a stop to this now!” I seriously half expected to see that email when I got in to work today…….. it took me like 30mins after waking up to convince myself it had in fact been a DREAM.

I’m really looking forward to dropping back to 3 days a week work. I’ll miss the money, but OMG it will be so nice to have a four-day weekend, I’m not really coping with things right now. It has to be the stress. I was FINE before the whole house settlement started to come into play… before I had to start thinking about the fact that my insane mother-in-law is going to be living in our backyard… frak.

I want to crawl into bed for a few weeks, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon. Tomorrow I have to go out early to get my headlight replaced as one of the globes has blown. Then I have a two-hour session with the girls on, I think, more crystal healing teachings – that will be good, but I’m just not feeling very social or contained with my energy right now. I might ask them for a healing while we go over that stuff.

I’ve been reminded of a ho’okupu I should have done AGES ago, and haven’t, I have the pouch cut out sitting in my craft tray waiting to be beaded, I just haven’t (until now) realized what it was for. So I think on Sunday I’m going to be doing a bit of beading, I really need to just settle down, relax, and stop thinking for a bit. If I have to bead for the whole day in order to shut up my ego, then I will just do that.

Tuesday is going to be a big day. It LOOMS over me. And it’s still like four days away. Orz.