(no subject)

My most despised saying for the past week would have to be "you're making a rod for your own back." I'm soooo over that. I'm going to do it my way, I don't care if people think I'm making the wrong decision, the decision is mine to be made. I choose to make my own decisions based on my thoughts, feelings and research - and if it backfires, it backfires, I will have to deal with the consequences. Just don't lecture me because I don't conform to your thoughts and opinions.

It's been a long week...

We had Equinox down at the Medicine Wheels in SE Melbourne to attend. Declan and Mum both came with me, and he got to attend a pipe ceremony with a very old teaching pipe from the reservations in America. This pipe is going to be buried at the end of the year, so it was a privilege to have the opportunity to sit in ceremony with it. Declan did exceptionally well in ceremony, I was so proud of my little boy. True, he did just lie under a blanket in my arms the whole time, and only semi-grizzled once (before being put on the breast), but in my eyes that's doing exceptionally well. I've known adults to behave worse in ceremony (haha).

There's probably heaps I have to write about, I just don't know where to start, my brain is a little sleep deprived at the moment. I haven't really had a chance to rest much today because Declan just doesn't want to sleep. He did have a pretty decent 4-5 hour sleep this morning, but that was just after I'd woken up for the day and so I couldn't go back to sleep. Instead, now he's fighting sleep (Michael is having his turn now) and I'm just falling asleep thinking about it.... I might have to drag him out on to the couch with me and we can both sleep there in front of the TV. Yes, that's making a rod for my own back, but it's also co-sleeping and comforting your beautiful child who is feeling restless, or needy, or whatever.

Mum's driving me a little batty at the moment. She's being a bit passive-aggressive with her suggestions on how we should be handling the baby. I know she's just trying to help, but I can't handle it very well when I'm tired. When I'm not tired I just shrug it off and continue to do what I want. But when I am tired her comments just annoy me, here's a couple that have been said today:

"He's stirring!" 
(After hearing Declan chatting in his bassinette in the bedroom - ie. The baby is awake are you going to attend to him before he starts screaming? I dont like to hear babies cry, so you better get him up or see what is wrong before I go in there.)

"Is he playing up again is he?" 
(After coming out of her room and seeing the Michael must be in with Declan. - My answer "I wouldn't call it playing up, he's just not going to sleep, but he's not upset or screaming.")

"Must be almost time for another feed is it?"
Common issue with Declan mind you, because he will sometimes stay awake the entire 3-4 hours in between feeds so we just end up feeding him again... but he's NOT hungry, it's only been about 2 hours since his last feed and he's not acting hungry, he's just awake.

There's more, but they're the ones I can think of now.

That all being said, he's a beautiful boy, I love him to pieces. I was just in there before giving him a bit of breastmilk to stop his hiccups, and then I put him in his bassinette and he smiled as I was stroking his forehead to get him to doze off. He's so bewitching.