Another push in the wrong direction.

[donnalotus]

Michael had a lot of visitations last night while sleeping from the sounds of things. Always the skeptic, he's putting it down to "weird dreams" but he had ravens following him around in one dream talking to him (which to me is always a sign the Grandmothers are around) and saying that he needs to remain calm on the inside and that will affect the outside. Then he had another dream of a race of people, somewhere in a hot and humid climate that wore plant-like clothing and bone breastplates, jewellery etc. They spoke at length with him also about "staying on the path", which he even said "I don't think they meant a literal path". Either way he says he woke up feeling much more at ease, not stressed like he always feels, and happy. Who knows, maybe the messages were for me because I haven't really been listening to the Grandmothers lately, it wouldn't be the oddest way for them to get through to me.

I was happy about that, even I felt half-way human again after a good night with the baby. Mind you, I'm a bit pissed off at him now because we had a family lunch today, and he always disappears after lunch. WE have to put up with his mother, but it's too much for him (the only other male other than my brother) to stay and socialise for an hour? That pisses me off. Worse when he came back inside from hiding in the garage just in time to see everyone off, and then I smelled gunga on his breath... so he's off smoking dope in the garage while I'm having to socialise with his mother? I don't think so, there's going to have to be a few new rules put in place about that I think.

So much for "I'll quit once we've had the baby." Yeah right. Fucking addicts, they just lie lie lie - to themselves more than anyone else.

He thinks I'm not going to follow through, and probably agreed more to keep the peace and placate me, but I will be arranging couples counselling for us this week, I've had enough of this bullshit, and we're right back at square one where we were the time we split up while he was home in Perth visiting his mother. Only now I co-own a house with her and him, and I have a baby to him. I'd really, really, really like to have not made another huge fucking mistake by moving here and turning my world upside down, but frankly, he's acting more like my ex-husband than I'm comfortable with lately...