donnalotus | (no subject)

This has been a really intense Sun in Scorpio season. It kicked off on October 23, with Mercury, Venus retrograde, and Mars also in Scorpio; it ends on November 22, just a few days after Venus finally turns direct. [...] We sometimes forget that Scorpio's traditional planetary ruler is Mars; it's a fighting sign, and for several weeks, nearly everything has felt like a dramatic struggle. [...] But as we move toward the Full Moon in Taurus, with Venus direct at last, maybe the tide is slowly beginning to turn in the direction of calm and sanity. – Source http://www.mooncircles.com/fullmoon_april.html

I’ve been catching up on a little reading; not much really, my mana’o still feels way too unfocused to get most information to stick. But the above section of an article on night’s full moon made me stop and think about my last entry and the frustration I’ve been feeling.

Last Thursday night I had hit a pretty deep low with everything. I was thinking that the job is going nowhere, and I have no inspiration to make it work either. I just wanted to crawl into bed and stay there forever. Michael forced me out the door and off to Qi Gong, which was a godsend. Three weeks of not being able to go had really dulled the memory of how great it is, and how much it helps me ground, focus, and feel better in general.

Friday I took a mental health day and didn’t go to work. I went to get my ears “candled” instead, hoping to fix some of the deafness going on with me since I’ve been sick. It helped a little, but also introduced me to a trainer who will be ideal for some of the training we are hoping to develop at work – and given that I know people who can do ear candling for a lot cheaper clearly the reason I was guided to see this woman was more to do with the training.

Dinner out Friday night with friends, we went to one of our favourite restaurants and ate very well. It was nice to see them again, although I may need to take a break from them until I figure out what’s going on with her. She was very stand-offish and has been for over a month now, there’s a lot going on with her and that’s fair enough, but I don’t want to have to process her anger for her, she needs to figure it out. Pity, because the husband is a lot of fun to chat with and Michael enjoys their company. We’ll see where things stand after Christmas.

Saturday I had a loom lesson with Kumu. Now, loom beading is absolutely AWESOME. I have so many ideas now on how to work with it; I’m practically giddy with anticipation. First attempt was so-so, I got the design to look really good (simplistic for beginning, but nice) but mounting it to the leather for a bracelet was less than good, it’ll need to be redone. Still, all in all I loved the lesson and we’re nearing the end of the craft lessons now and both of us are feeling a need to move into bodywork and shamanic healing.

Kumu said something interesting about how I would need to forget a lot of what I already know and have learned, in order to work on a different level with the body work – we’re talking very shamanic based from South America bodywork which she learned from an elder from Chile – and whom I would like to approach and learn from in the future.

I stated that I’ve actually hit this point where I have knowledge from things I’ve been doing and have done in the past – Magnified Healing, Reiki, Crystal layouts for healing, Chakra work, LomiLomi massage, and just general other things, yet it’s like it’s faded in the back of my mind – I have a hard time recalling a lot of it, even though I still use it, almost on an intuitive level; it’s just not a conscious thing to me, and I find when I’m working on a person shamanically with Kumu that everything I know just goes out the window. I know I need to connect now on a deeper level to really facilitate deeper healing for people, which is what I need to learn. She nodded and said that means I’m ready to start because I’m not stuck in old ways of doing things. I hope she’s right about that, because I often feel I more freeze because I don’t know what to do now!

The Lomi is easy when it’s just for relaxation, but I’m finding more and more of the deeper healing coming to the surface for the person to process, and I want to help them through that journey. It’s great that I do these massages with Kumu and have her guidance, I’m learning a lot from how she approaches the body.

The totems that are coming forward for me to work with now have long memories, and it is indicative of why it is that I automatically tap into past life issues with people. When I was in America I received a lot of information through dreams and vision about working with people to release deep-seated patterns from the body/bones, things that we carry with us lifetime upon lifetime, and which cause havoc with our lives. I have a feeling this is the kind of work I will be doing in the next decade or so, I just have to step up to it and trust that I can do it. Oh, just had a flash of what needs to go on my West Year Healing shield..... just have to paint it now!

Work is still a bit up in the air, not sure where things are going with it. I have deadlines to meet, but I’m feeling as if the Boss is floundering all over the place and isn’t sure where to go with things, especially now since he is trying to tie up loose ends so he can leave. I had a really good discussion with him earlier about where he is at and how I need him to focus, because I just don’t know what I’m meant to be doing at the moment, and it’s making work really frustrating to be at, I just don’t want to be here.

Lodge tonight, should be fun, haven’t caught up with the girls in a while, so I’m looking forward to that. It’s going to be an intense week I feel with training and meetings and just trying to stay ahead of my deadlines, intense because I have to force myself to go to work at the moment!